I was on the treadmill one morning a few years ago when it hit me.

     “Ouch,” I yelled.

     I yelled, “Ouch,” because, like I said, it hit me. “It” was a bird.

 
     Fortunately, it wasn’t a real bird. It was a stuffed animal that my then-six-year-old son, Evan, sent flying into my back while I was running on the treadmill. “Why did you do that?” I asked him without falling off the machine. I pride myself in maintaining coordination in the face of adversity.

     “Because you’re not having any fun!” he said, and then he threw a cat at me. Again, it was not a real cat, because my husband has allergies.

     I was going to yell at Evan, but he missed me. The cat lay splayed across the treadmill’s control panel. That’s splayed, not spayed. Despite the Everest-sized mountain of fluffy evidence in my basement and children’s rooms, experts report that stuffed animals don’t reproduce.

     Also, Evan was right; I wasn’t having any fun. So I picked up the cat and threw it back at him. Then I went back to gritting my teeth and counting down the seconds until I met my distance goal and could stop running like a hamster on a wheel.

     As soon as I stopped running like a hamster on a wheel, I vowed to put some fun into my next workout. Evan and his bird were my inspiration.

     Adults spend so much time and money trying to recapture the joy and freedom of youth – even though youth wasn’t filled with joy and freedom when we had it. Remember when your mom sent you to your room because you left your yellow banana-seat bike in the middle of the driveway for her to run over as she was rushing to take you to school because you missed the bus because you were riding your yellow banana-seat bike around the neighborhood?

     Yet, because our older selves don’t have a very good memory, we have that longing to be our younger selves. Peek into any suburban mall and you’ll see many modern-day Dorian Grays trying to relive their youth. In front of Eddie Bauer is a grown man wearing his baseball cap backwards. Over by the Gap, there is a woman whose white hair is tied up in pig tails. A group of adults gather in front of a television display at an electronics store to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle. Well, Rocky and Bullwinkle was created for adults in the first place, so those Rocky and Bullwinkle fans actually are trying to relive the part of their youth in which they wanted to be like a grown up.

     It’s human nature to try to hang on to youth with a white-knuckle grip. But when we work to keep physically fit – the one area of our lives where we really could benefit from acting childish – most adults instead drag their bodies around looking like they need a shot of Geritol.®

     If you take a youthful approach to exercise, you will be a much happier, fitter, sillier person. The benefits to your mental and physical health will far outweigh the strange looks you will receive.
How much fun is a run on the treadmill? Not much. Well, real kids can have fun on the treadmill, but it’s risky. They hold tight to the railings, crank it up to full speed and try to get their legs moving so fast that they lift off and fly horizontal. I can tell you, it’s quite a shock to walk out of your laundry room to see one of your children airborne. I also can tell you to hide your treadmill’s starter key in the bag of dog food. If you choose to add this game to your fitness routine, don’t forget to attach the machine’s safety cord to your clothing, and wear a helmet.

     The first step to rejuvenating your workout routine is to change your perspective. You never exercised as a child; you played. You will be more motivated to go out and play than to stay in and exercise.

     After you change your perspective, change your routine. Wouldn’t it be more fun, instead of programming the treadmill, to go outside and climb a tree? You’ll work every muscle in your body, and finally get to see what’s happening in the neighbor’s back yard.

     Or, play a game of tag. If you recruit a bunch of fast and competitive kids to join in, you gain the same cardiovascular benefits as you do from a treadmill workout. And you get to yell, “Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!” Just be prepared for rejection when you pucker up. Kissing is not a popular activity for the younger crowd, which is further evidence that our actual youth wasn’t all that great when we had it.

     As for me, I’m going outside to play dodge bird with Evan. He’s nine now, with better aim, a better arm, and more pent-up anger at his mother who makes him redo his homework when it’s sloppy, so I’m guaranteed a great workout.